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There's poetry of a sort in this utter shambles

Maurice O'Brien • Published 21 Jul 2012 09:00 Print Comments 3 Comments

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FOR it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' 'chuck him out the brute!' But it's 'Saviour of 'is country' when the guns begin to shoot. A wry smile might have crossed the lips of the red-coated Tommy Atkins in Rudyard Kipling's 1892 poem had he witnessed lines of his successors arriving, Afghan dust freshly laundered from their desert camouflage, to save the nation's Olympic blushes.

Maybe Kipling could have managed another verse for the next time lugubrious bean counter Philip Hammond clicks his elegantly manicured fingers to summon 3,500 spare troops and answer comes there none; because he's sacked them all.

Or even the BBC's Today programme when retired Lieutenant Colonel Trevor Philpott, at the moment the Olympic flame was heading out of Reading last week, thought he'd been invited to discuss his organisation Veterans for Change, which aims to prevent discarded servicemen and women dumped outside barrack gates to fend for themselves from landing in prison, mental hospital or worse.

One Army veteran trying to describe his prison experiences was cursorily dismissed because his mobile phone reception was scratchy and Philpott, a quietly spoken former Royal Marine, was cut off in mid-argument in favour of yet another report on financial chicanery. No plaster saints indeed.

Meanwhile the great unwashed have done a runner. The Commons shut up shop until September 3 and you'd never guess it's impossible to get past passport control at Heathrow, the M4's collapsing, arms and pharmaceutical companies are as bent as the banks, terrorists could be cruising baffling Olympic traffic lanes, and nominally neither Coalition nor Government would appear even vaguely apt.

The Cleggies' loony plans for creating a kind of non-league version of the Commons (what else to call third rate failed MPs guaranteed 15 years on easy street?) has been shown up for what it is; a cynical attempt to bring in the alternative voting we threw out two-to-one barely a year ago and blackmail us into giving these highly principled Lib Dems an eternal casting vote.

However, some humour does survive. Take Theresa May, whose mounting arithmetical problems suggest she could do with parroting some of 'nasty' Michael Gove's times tables, being ticked off by pantomime Dame Tessa 'What's a Mortgage?' Jowell, who's played Mother Earth to Blair's vanity Olympics from day one and saw the three billion costs triple without batting either of those Daffy Duck eye-lashes.

Heck, if someone accused Britain of being a banana republic we couldn't even offer them Fairtrade.

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