Published: Thursday, 2nd July, 2009 9:00am

Leader: You care, we care, I Care

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THE fundamental change in relationships when a child, whatever their age, suddenly realises that the care of mum or dad now rests on their shoulders is daunting.

It would be strange if it wasn"t.

Parents are the people who look after us, without whom we are helpless when tiny and to whom we turn first for protection and guidance and to meet our most basic needs.

A few weeks ago the Chronicle"s I Care campaign told the story of Sal who holds down a full-time job and works shifts so that she can be the main carer for her mum.

Sal, who is in her 30s, said: 'When I was little and helpless my mum was there for me and I will always be there for her...I love her to bits.'

Not everyone can or wants to take an elderly, dependent parent or grandparent into their home, and it"s not always in the best interests of the person who needs expert, skilled care. Nevertheless, searching for the right residential homes can be soul-destroying - balancing the budget against location, comfort, privacy, a high enough level of care - the compromises are endless and the feeling of guilt weighs heavy.

Visiting each short-listed home in turn, desperately hoping your relative will love a place, yet facing the depressing smells and Heaven"s waiting room atmospheres of some places is traumatic all round.

The fear of choosing the wrong place, of putting a reluctant loved one in the hands of people who will not care enough further complicates the decision-making process.

For anyone who has been or is going through this process the Chronicle this week will not be easy reading. But we make no apology for giving a voice to people concerned about the level of care being provided and maintained.