Published: Thursday, 21st January, 2010 8:00am

Politicians today are the stuff of 'Yes, Minister'

by Maurice O'Brien

HAS IT sunk in yet that the duplicity, lies, misrepresentation, hyperbole, waffle and downright tosh are already at flood levels and the election campaign hasn't even officially begun?

Not for much longer can you be sure that any conmen appearing on your doorstep are straightforward distraction burglars, rather than politicians prepared to lie and cheat you of your vote.

It wasn't as much fun as when he was running the country, but how exciting to see Alastair Campbell dissembling his way through a couple of hours of frolics with the Chilcot posse, if only to remind us what happened the last time we achieved regime change using peaceful, democratic methods.

Unfortunately the post-Chilcot plea to clarify his evidence, because "reading the bald words on the page gives the wrong impression of what I thought I was saying in response to what I thought I was being asked," is just a taste of the cobblers we'll get before polling day.

Worthy of Sir Humphrey at his peak, even the brilliant writers of 'Yes Minister' would be hard pressed to have penned that one.

We keep hearing how many MPs are standing down at the election, to be lost to public view forever. That many of them are extremely lucky not to be hidden from public view for considerably longer by a high prison wall and, unlike most common criminals, have been conceded the privilege of paying it back, is certainly our loss.

Meanwhile the leaders are little better. If I looked 18 and was trying to convince everyone I should be running the country, the last thing I'd do is airbrush several years off my age and stick the doctored picture on bloody great billboards everywhere.

Then there's Old Prudence, skulking moodily round Downing Street and suddenly he wants to be the darling of the middle classes.

Ye gods, he's spent the past 13 years screwing us rotten, looting our pensions and savings and using National Insurance like his own private money box. Doublespeak's the name of the game. In October 2008 Lord Mandy pledged Whitehall departments would pay invoices inside 10 days. Last March 99% of companies surveyed said that wasn't happening.

This week the figure had plunged, to 98%.

Last March 60% of firms weren't even getting ministries to cough up in the standard 30 days. This week's survey shows the figure's now 63%.

And while there are no excuses for euthanasia, if ghastly Harriet Harperson keeps referring to people of my vintage as "the well elderly", I'll certainly find one before May's out.

Return to: Homepage | Opinion Index | This article